Before becoming pregnant, I never, ever thought I would be a paranoid mom. I think the fact that Chichi was born premature has something to do with it. I also never thought I would ever love someone so much. In fact, I didn’t even know us humans were capable of such love.
In those first few weeks after birth, as I looked and held my tiny baby girl, my mind became filled with fear about absolutely everything. And I mean everything. There were a lot of “what ifs”. Here is a short list of things I (and probably many moms out there) became paranoid of:
- What if, she gets sick? I was afraid she’d get a cold, the flu, measles (there was an outbreak at the time), chickenpox, diarrhea, gas, fever…and the list goes on. I would make everyone wash and sanitize their hands prior to handling my baby. If you’re sick? Don’t even visit. I was terrified of bringing her outside (shopping, restaurants, anywhere that’s not home) because….what if someone sneezed on her?
- What if, she got really sick? A couple of months after Chichi was born, I became even more paranoid when flu season hit and everyone was sick. EVERYONE. I would go out shopping and people would cough left, right and centre. I couldn’t run away fast enough! Hubby had to take a shower immediately after coming home from work to avoid contaminating everything else. It didn’t help that babies less than 3 months of age get hospitalized if they get a fever and may have to get a spinal tap. Not cool.
- What if, being born premature somehow affected her? This is where Google did its damage. I read articles about how premature babies could have developmental delays. I worried about this for days, and quite honestly, sometimes it kept me up at night.
- What if, she hates me when she grows up? Yes, I was already worried about the infamous teenage rebellion.
- What if she gets bullied at school?
- What if she gets her heart broken?
- What if…teenage pregnancy?
- What if she gets into an accident?
- What if she gets a paper cut/scratched up knee/stung by a bee?
- What if….I’m a bad mom?
Those days, I would have given everything to have her back in my womb again, tucked away, safe and sound.
As the days went on, and I met other new parents, I began to realize that many of my fears are actually quite common.
What was your number one worry?