Ten things that happen once you have a baby

A new bundle of joy comes with the expected sleepless nights, lots of dirty diapers and exhaustion. Here’s my top ten list of things that you may not expect to happen once the baby comes!

  1. Your phone is in permanent silent mode, 24 hours a day.
  2. You can remember what time your baby had a poop, and how many, but you can’t remember when (or even if) you last had a bowel movement
  3. There’s no day or night. There’s only baby sleeping or not sleeping time.
  4. You become exceedingly interested in another person’s excrement and other bodily wastes like snot. As in, you hold it close to a light source, and examine whether it’s green, yellow, brown, purple or some unknown color.
  5. You never knew you could be so efficient at chores. You can suddenly accomplish what used to take a couple of hours to do, in the 15 minutes that your baby is napping. Record breaking speed, I’m sure.
  6. Your phone is always telling you it’s out of memory due to your ever increasing collection of baby photos. Even after you’ve transferred them to your computer (and backup drive, and the backup drive of the backup drive), you still, for some reason, don’t want to delete them.
  7. You find out that your nose can actually take a very high number of head bonkings without suffering any damage and/or nosebleeds.
  8. You become neurotic about hand washing.
  9. You join the “elevator club”. When you get in the elevator with the other moms, it’s like you’re all best friends for the duration of the ride. You coo and ahh over other people’s babies, but really, your baby is still the cutest.
  10. When your baby smiles at you, it doesn’t matter how tired you are or how bad of a day you’ve had, it’s suddenly as if the sun has finally come out.

Comments are closed.