The different types of baby boogers

Honestly, I never thought I would be one of those people to find something as gross as digging for gold so entertaining.

One reason for that is just…there are so many different types. Plus, it’s almost like a game. Am I gonna get it? Am I not? Wait…almost….ALMOST….GOT IT!…oh…no lost it again.

Besides, there’s the instant gratification when you finally get that particularly stubborn booger out of your baby’s nose and they can suddenly breath better.

I have even begun to name the different kinds of boogers I have been digging up in Chichi’s little nose. So…here we go:

1. The Not-worth-mentioning: So I’m not going to mention it. This is the boring typical booger. Nothing special. Moving on.

2. The Bomb: This one is pretty self explanatory. The Bomb booger is one that launches itself at you, usually with a sneeze.  Prior to this, there’s usually no signs of a booger. The nose seems perfectly clear, and perfectly hole-like. You’re usually gazing lovingly at your baby, your baby might be smiling innocently at you when suddenly they sneeze, and The Bomb flies out at you and hits you squarely on your face/eyeball/nose. Sometimes, The Bomb can even score a perfect mouth-shot. You can almost hear a group of boogers cheering from the inside. Nice.

3. The Clown’s Handkerchief: This once always begins innocently enough. There’s a booger that you can see clearly, hanging just a little so as to entice you. You grab it, pull it out, and there’s just no end. Pulling out The Clown’s Handkerchief usually means you’ve pulled out the booger’s father, mother, brother, sister, aunts, cousins, mother-in-law’s, cousin’s wife, cousin’s wife’s elementary school teacher, and everyone in between. Yes that’s right people. Your baby’s sweet little button nose that you likely kiss more than a hundred times a day is, in fact, hiding a never ending black hole inside.

4. The Dead Fish: This is the booger that’s lost the will to live. This is the one you find hanging outside your baby’s nostril in the morning, just all limp and dried up. It is likely a runaway booger, had a fight with their booger family, accidentally found themselves outside and couldn’t find their way back in. Poor little booger.

5. The Peekaboo: This one likes to play games with you. Oh, yes it does. This is the one that comes out every time your baby exhales, oh just a little bit to entice you, but not enough for you to grab, and then duck back in as soon as your baby inhales. You think it’s cute at the beginning, but you soon realize how maddening this is when you are still at it 15 minutes later. This is the one that makes you realize how in need of adult conversation you are when, 30 minutes later, you finally get the booger and you start smashing it into a piece of tissue and saying ” I’ll show you who’s boss”.

6. The Immigrant: This one usually starts out like The Peekaboo. It plays games with you, but then disappears inside for a while. Some time later, it will come out again from the other nostril. You might ask, how do you even know it’s the same booger? You know because you’ve been playing catch with it for a while, and you know what it looks like. Besides, I’m the mom therefore I know everything about my baby, mmmk?

7. The Snake: This one, is my least favorite one. This is the one that stays JUST out of reach, so you stare helplessly at it. With every breath, it moves ever so slightly, but not enough for you to grab. Then, just when you think you might have a chance to remove it, your baby SUCKS IT BACK IN. And, as you stare in horror, and await for its reappearance, it never appears again. Yep, that’s right. It just lurks in the depth of your baby’s adorable button nose for all time. Waiting to come out at you when you least expect it.

8. The Plague: This is the king of all boogers. This is the one that’s so yucky, perhaps its multicolored, drippy, and just so disgusting looking that once you get it out you want to dig a hole in the back yard and bury it so it doesn’t infect anyone. This is also the one that makes you look at your baby (who is perhaps already sick?), and pray he or she isn’t coming down with something.

9. The Whistle: This one here sits in the back of your baby’s nose, forcing your baby to make whistling sounds when they breath. You can’t see it, but you can hear it. The Whistle usually comes around in the middle of the night, when everyone, including the baby, is sleeping. It will make you break out the trusty old nasal aspirator, only to make you put it back down so you don’t wake the baby. This one can wait until morning….just a few more hours to go.

10. The Superman: Opposite to The Dead Fish is The Superman. This one has such an incredible will to live, that it just HANGS ON AND NEVER LETS GO. This one makes you break out your nasal aspirator, suck until your face turns blue and break out in a terrible sweat before it finally lets go. Perhaps you need a new nasal aspirator, or maybe you just need to exercise more. Either way, this is the Superman of all boogers, the one that other boogers will write down in their history books.

That is all…for now.  I’m sure that as time goes on, I will discover more different types of boogers. Feel free to share the different types of boogers you’ve found too!

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